Changes

when I was teaching ESL at Wall Street Institute School of English. I discovered something about myself. While I was telling people that I was a talkative and very friendly person. I discover throughout the job that I actually am a rather quiet person and that I am not that much of a friendly person UNLESS I get to spend a bit of time with the person then I'll start talking more to them. Funny enough, a lot of people who don't know me well disagree with it but those who know me for a long while - they agree.

And today I discovered something new

Many years ago I was so eager to advertise myself as a "dark" person. I would secretly smile to myself when someone describe me as "goth" (but not "emo" :P, ok maybe a little smile!) I loved to show people how much I enjoy horror films, blood, gothic culture, and all those dark things with no care to actually study more about it. I just loved being different from the majority of people I was surrounded with, I guess.

I would join all the web boards that advertised themselves in that matter. I would try so hard to be in touch with people who were into similar topics (really into it or just faking it I didn't even care)

But today I was browsing through my friend list on facebook and I clicked on one of my friends' partner's profile. Both of them are really into "dark" stuff and I know for the fact that they really are and not "pretending" like I did before and they have always been into the dark side for years. I noticed that on her partner's profile, there was a website for people who are into the dark side. I clicked and it actually looked like a cool site for the dark appreciator.

I went through the introduction page and read some public articles for visitors. They looked interesting. Then I left the page - I wasn't interested in joining the site even though I knew that they would accept me in a heart beat knowing that I am their friends.

Am I NOT interested in dark stuff any more? Not really, I still like horror films, I like blood, I like horror photography and a lot of dark, twisted stuff but I have no interest in "being part of the group". I have stopped trying to hard to let the world stamp another "goth" word alike on my forehead. I keep it to myself, but it's not that I am hiding it, I just don't promote it as part of who is "me" package. Also I think, now that I am involved with a lot of things on the "bright" side and I fell in love with it I would rather me could swing on both sides without feeling that I am not part of the group. I enjoy the sun just as much as sitting in the dark. I like getting up early just as much as going to bed late. I appreciate a good night sleep just as much as how I appreciate a night when insomnia attacks.

I'm glad that for a few minutes browsing through a website I discovered something about myself. It's not that I only discover things about myself once a year or something, but I love it when it takes me by surprised or when I least expect it. What's next that I'll discover about me? Stay Tuned :-)